Reflections

 

The picture above is about 7.5 years old.  I can't believe how time flies! Over the last several months life here in house seems to be falling apart and I miss the innocence of my kids' childhood and I regret not enjoying it more....I should have "stopped to smell the roses" a bit more.

I miss Hope's giggles & watching her at gymnastics practice, going on school trips, taking Joshua to soccer and baseball, and him going on all of his adventures at the ranch among other things.    

Oh how I ache for the pain Joshua must be going through right now.  His life is not at all what I would wish for him.  He's been suffering from a variety of stomach ailments over the last 2 years, but the past month has been much worse.  We believe it's at least in part due to depression and anxiety.  But, whatever the cause, he won't go to school.  He's missed 3.5 weeks out of the last 4.5.  Jeremy had a conversation with him laying out some options last week and now he has just decided to give up.  We're looking for options but in the meantime, I'm also mourning the loss of the celebration that this year should have brought...prom, senior pictures, graduation.  I'm angry at him, at myself, at God.  How could this be happening.  

So, as I sit here, up at 5 am and not being able to sleep since 2:30, I'm trying to remind myself of the goodness of God, His faithfulness and his promises.

Here's just a few...

1. He promises to supply all our needs - 

“And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19 NLT)

Lord what I need right now is to know how to move forward, because I don't even think I can put one foot in front of the other.  Joshua needs to feel Your presence and know that he is valuable and his future is in your hands.

2. He promises to work out everything for our good.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” (Romans 8:28 NLT)

Lord, I don't see your good right now, but I am trusting in your faithfulness to bring Joshua out the other side of this stronger and closer to you.

3. He promises to be with us.
“I will not fail you or abandon you. This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:5, 9NLT)

Help me to be strong in this time of trial and look to you in each moment, knowing you are walking beside us and carrying us when needed.

And one of my favorite verses is found in Jeremiah 29:11.  Here it is in context...

10 This is what the Lord says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.[b] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

God, I know you know all things, can do all things, and are present in all places at all times.  I also know that your plan is perfect even when we don't see it or understand it. And, I know that you are good.  What I am asking for, pleading for in this moment is some relief for my  precious son. and some comfort and wisdom for me.  Help me to see him through your eyes and be able to love him as you do, so that he will see You and your love and be able to see himself as you do.

God I am lost and struggling.  Come to my rescue!!!!